Well this month has not been the greatest for me at all. I have encountered more in this month then I have in a very long time. I have always been a very independent woman to say the least and I have never depended on anyone to help me even through the bad times. I have had a very hard life from birth to now, but that probably describes most of you reading this so thats no shock right? I have always felt I needed to handle things on my own and that I never really needed anyone besides my kids in life. Yes I am married but still I only rely on me and my kids. Its a wall that I still haven’t been able to break down. Getting back to this month, I always knew that I had a purpose here in life and I always put that purpose on the back burner because in reality there are bills to pay. So for years I did everything but what I felt I was suppose to do. It always seemed like no matter what I did though it never worked out. I knew I had a gift to be detailed and accurate when it came to other peoples lives but never thought I would do anything with it. I decided about 2 years ago to let my gift be known to the world , or really anyone who was listening, and thought I would immediately be accepted. What I wasn’t aware of is that there are millions of others with gifts of their own. Well I certainly didn’t feel like an outcast anymore thats for sure. See I come from a small town that is not into the spirituality thing at all. So to keep my secret my whole life is all that really mattered to me. Until I met someone that told me it was my gift to share it and help others. What they didn’t tell me is how many others supposedly like me there were. I have met a lot of other people who have gifts of their own, although I have never met anymore that can be as detailed as I am so I still am not quite sure what would be the right word for my gift. A lot of people that are reading this and who don’t know me, I have the ability to see your life like a book. I can pick up names, dates, places, people I always thought that made me a freak. So it was a well kept secret for sure. Well 2 years ago I came out strong. I started Tv shows, Radio shows, appeared on shows for others, gave free readings you name it. Whatever it took to get myself out there. My goal was to help as many as I can in life. Unfortunately I met a lot of people that took advantage of me as well. I am now questioning if it is all worth it. I quit my job as an Attorney to pursue this full time because I just knew it would take off but now I see that is not the plan. As much as I love my clients and as much as I love doing this it is not paying the bills and with 6 kids it has made this almost impossible. I get confused a lot about why people keep going to those who claim to have the gift and keep forking out that money to them and never truly get what they need when there are so many of us who are so true in what we do and just want to help, truly help but never really get the chance. So while I sit here today looking at my kids and facing foreclosure and think back at all I have done this past year and have to ask myself if its worth it or not. I have never been a selfish person and I have to believe that with all bad comes good and that I cannot just quit for if this is truly my place and this is truly what I am meant to do then it will all work out somehow. For I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that this is just one more mountain I have to climb until I get to the top once again to see what my next step is. And after this one will be another one and another but eventually instead of struggling to climb I will be flying over them.